The word “also”…

Dad and mom sent us out of the house the other night to dinner and to get Leon a toy.  Sol and I shopped at Marshall’s and David and Leon went to the toy store.  Upon getting in the car, almost instantaneously, my ears were filled with Leon chatter, as he played with his new Batman and accompanying car.  Seventh heaven had arrived for Leon.  He was full-on in imaginary world.  As David and I were talking during our drive to dinner, having sort of tuned out this adorable chatter,  we were interrupted by the distinct awareness of a certain word coming from the back seat…”Batman fell (briskewww), also he got up (vrooom), also…(pause) Batman got into his car…also”  He has obviously discovered the word “also” and was having not only a good test drive of Batman’s new car, but this word “also”.  Too funny.  He is frequently getting lost in his world of imaginary play.  The intrenchment is deeper, daily.  Tonight, after a long and fun day at the lake (which is nicer verbage for “a day with no nap”) we convinced him to take a shower telling him he needed to see if his guys could swim.  Big hot tears streaming down his face, he looked at Grandma saying…”they are not your guys, (as if she was trying to take them) I need to see if they can swim”.  They did all right.  I think, surviving the drop into the tub with only an inch of water was greater accomplishment, but we gave them props for both. Batman, and two other guys, Leon would know their names, then enjoyed part of Leon’s hamburger and a short rest near his plate.  This is Leon’s world.  He frequently tells us about various things, “that’s fine mom, that’s fine.  Marshmallows are fine for me”.  “That’s fine for me dad, juice is fine for me, nem-en-ems are fine for me”.  At least one member of our family is sure about what is and isn’t okay in life right now.  Leon also said the other day, “I’m hungry mom, I’m hungry, I need to eat an elephant”.  We about died.  I have much more to tell you about, but it’s late and I must sleep.

 

Love, Bep

How to love the morning???

As of late I am trying to figure out how to love the morning.  I am, simply put, tired.  More dramatically put, exhausted, delirious, and short on the grace I would like to have. I have never been a morning person, but can stay up if I have to (or want to) until the wee hours of the morning.  I guess that is what made me such a cookie cutter candidate for the restaurant industry all those years working before motherhood.  Sol has been sleeping “like a poop” as I would say.  Two nights ago he woke up 5 times in 8 hours. I felt like I barely slept in between.  I probably didn’t.  I think it makes it worse that he was sleeping  7 hour stretched before getting whooping cough.  Now our little sleeping angel is giving us no rest.  I am remembering to be thankful when my patience is dry, that he is alive.  Remembering to be thankful, even if I have to stare into a screaming frustrated face, that he is our little face to stare at.  Whooping cough sure took it out of him and us.  I don’t think either parties are the same after, yet.  He grew quite accustomed to our regimented 24-hour care for him while being sick. Every time we heard a squawk, or a peep, we would run to him hoping to calm him before another coughing fit would overtake.  We held him for hours and hours, really all the time, for several months. He would eat whenever he was upset, which was often, almost after every coughing fit. Now, a month later, thankfulness is a digging matter, at times, and frustration easier to find. Our little Solie is a very particular child now, not for reasons any of us would have chosen.  Six a.m. seems like three a.m. to me still, though the kids have adapted to NY time as if there was not change. It’s days like today that I try not to think of the fact we still haven’t moved in, and that that great task still awaits us. These are the days I am finding things to love. I find myself at two in the morning, when I am praying the actual morning will not ever come, when thinking of that first sip of coffee makes me smile. I look forward to Rasin Bran Crunch with almond milk. (though I had detested cereal of all types until pregnant with Sol.) I look forward to hunting for new household items on craigslist, and scheming each rooms decor. (though I have not even seen where we are going to live, yet) I look forward to “the best part of waking up…is Folgers in your cup”, when dad hands me a cup of coffee just the way I like it. (yes, dad may have converted me to Folgers.  It’s a mountain way, or at least a dad way) I look forward to back porch dinners with mom and dad after the kids are in bed.  I salivate thinking of NY pizza, a distant dream that West coasters try their hardest to replicate. I guess you could say that when overwhelmed, I try to think of how to love the morning time, which greets me every day. I try to think of today as the last day that may exist.  This way, I will enjoy each moment, even the tough ones.  That is how I want to live.   I am doing my best.  Most days I feel as though I may just barely be passing the class of life.

Striving for an A+, Bep

Still in pj’s…

Well, it is 8:25 pm and I am still in my pj-ers.  Sad story, rough day.  Eight pairs of undies gone through on day #1 of potty training. (one full of poop) I guess that is partially why I am still in my jammies.  Who knew potty training could be such a chore.  Things I have learned by the end of day two: always buy more than one package of undies when potty training, boys don’t learn to pee sitting down, find a target for boys to aim at when training.  PHEW!  Tonight as a last attempt for peeing victory, I had Leon try to pee on a leaf outside.  He told me “I don’t like that one, it’s ruined”.  (speaking of a leaf that was folded in half) I then proceeded to try to find a leaf that was a more “perfect” target for him.  Even with a perfect leaf target, we ended day #2 with success being a pile of wet undies. I guess you could say we have made some progress.  I had him try to pee for a minute or two, cheering him on with great enthusiasm.  “I did it mom, I did it” was his, also enthusiastic response. Unfortunately, the enthusiasm stopped there and he still had no pee to show for. He then, went out on the porch and came back in a moment later with wet pants.  “I just went and peed on the porch”, he told me.  Should I have congratulated him?  Kind-of I guess.  I half praised and then tried to explain that his peeing on the porch should happen without underwear next time and either in a toilet or on the grass.  Well, at least he sort of gets that you go, just not when we want him too yet.  He has to get it sometime and looks so hilarious in his little “tightie-whities”, that I haven’t grown weary yet.  I don’t know of any adults that are still in diapers.  We have a hope.  We will persevere!!!

As you can imagine, Leon has an entirely new crowd to impress here up in the mountains.  Grandma was pushing him around the enormous yard on a once motored,  child’s, John Deere truck. After tiring and placing him on the trampoline he said, “common, push me again”.  To which she responded, “I am tired”.  This went on for sometime, back and forth, until finally Leon said, “Okay, I guess I’ll have to kiss you on the lips” then walked over and did so.  Grandma about died.  Needless to say, she pushed him wherever he wanted for a few more minutes.  She later caught him playing with his “pickle” and told him not to do so.  He responded with a simple, “You call it a pickle, I call it a pee-pee”.  Shocked and trying not to laugh she still advised the same. “Okay” he replied, paused and then said, “can I pick my nose?”.  As he once told Aunt Rachel, he has an amazing mind.  I guess it’s true.  Hopefully we can keep up with him.  Today, not so much.

To more success, another day.

Your potty training mother-friend, Bep

Sometimes you have to shave your head…

It’s true.  I shaved the right half of my head and love it!!!  I have had this hankering to do it for quite some time and figured, shoot, if I don’t do it now I may never get to.  These may be my last 3 years of edginess and may have to retire to the more conservative styles appropriate for the wife of a politician or lawyer.  Wink.  I don’t know if the wild side of me ever will retire, but in reference to hair, it may have to at some point in “my world”.  (as Leon would say) Leon has been quite the character as always.  When we arrived to Julie and Lee’s that night, he sat down on the trailer step while Uncle Lee and Papa were unhitching it, and said, head in hand, and knee crossed, “What is happening in my life (pronounced ‘wife’)?” We all died over that many a times throughout the next five days.  He may really be wondering that after all we have been through the past few months.  He is as adaptable as can be though, making friends everywhere we go.  During a car breakdown on the ways here, Leon and Sol and I took what seemed like a ten mile walk (even though it was closer to a ten block walk) in the 105 degree heat to Starbucks while Papa fixed the car.  Leon socialized with just about everyone while I fed Sol and was unable to reel him in.  He’s as comfortable as can be in new settings, and thinks he is the “King of NY” as he told us the other day.  Grandma and Grandpa will love to hear that.  He has also been given a new nickname.  After devouring almost an entire bag of blue corn chips, Lee’s mom nicknamed him “Chipster”.  He also told us those ones were healthier for him.  He asks upon goodbyes, “are you going to be sad?” or “are you going to cry?”.  Hilarious, but appropriate.  All goodbyes as of late have been a bit weepy, and in the spectrum of his life, or his cognitive and memorable life, almost all have been that way.  He was surprised to hear Aunt Lynn say she wouldn’t be sad, because she would see us again in a few weeks.  Nice to be on the other side of weepy goodbyes for now.  We can look forward to hellos that are just around the corner.

Hopefully you will be one of the hellos.

Bye for now,

Bep

Six lanes…

Well, we made it to Virginia Beach.  My mental picture was shattered in a mere second when we pulled on to one of the main drags to six lanes of traffic in each direction.  So much for the mental picture I had.  I guess I had pictured it big, but in a smaller biggish sense.  It is huge!!!! It is very spread out and lush and green everywhere.  We didn’t get to see the beach this time, time just got away from us.  By the time we checked in at our storage unit to get the key, found our way to Uncle Lou and Aunt Lynn’s (greeted by kisses on the cheek, my hidden love for the way of the Italian relatives) unloaded me and the kids it was already 7:30 pm.  Then David, and our two cousins went to unload our trailer’s contents into the storage unit.  The next day was filled with picking up items we purchased on craigslist to furnish our new home.  Things were a bit further away than we had imagined.  Our beloved rocking chair was a short 50 minute drive away.  Woops!  It’s a beauty as I said earlier and David got a chance to scout out the area.  At this point I have just resolved to find grocery stores that are nearby. It’s going to take a while to feel like we know the area.  A woman we purchased something from says she still uses her GPS after 6 years.  Yikes.  My daily trips to Goodwill will definitely not be a daily adventure in Virginia Beach.  It will have to be a carfully planned outing in our new life.  I think I am okay with that.  I’ll just have more to look forward to when I do go.  At least there are Starbucks there.  I don’t think we saw a coffee shop for about 4 states.  Shocking!!!  Praise be to God though, Aunt Lynn is a kindred soul.  She has a love for coffee and LOVES thrift store shopping and garage saling!  Amazing  that God has them planted in Virginia Beach.  Maybe he planted them here just for us in this season. We are grateful.

So far away…Bep

Running on gas….

We thought Leon had a problem with gas as a baby.  It’s how he got the nickname “tootie”.  However, Solomon has taken gassiness to a whole new level. Poor baby.  Road trips are rough on a lot of our systems, but especially on his.  Most stops to fill up on gas have consisted of leg presses, crunches and trying to help get Sol’s gas out. Poor Sol’s little system.  We think he is probably teething too which never helps.  I probably attribute too much to thinking it’s gas, but who knows, it probably is.  Gas has really fueled our trip across the country thus far on multiple levels.  There have been quite a few sleep-sparce nights due to this issue and all sleeping in one room.  I wonder how families do it in one bedroom houses various places around the world.  I told Bonte’ when we had their little house packed with our family of 4, Uncle Bub and the two of them, that while tight, it is how life is lived often in many places.  It’s kind of fun.  It made me think of the book Rachel had to read for her college class about the Italian community that lives long and healthy hearted lives, not beacause of eating well, or exercising, but because of living together, surrounded by love and community.  Worth the sleepless nights to say the least.  My new middle name is “Flexibility”, something for this organized and planned individual that doesn’t always swallow easy.  I am learning though and hopefully growing in grace each day.  Today we are trailer free (hallelujah) and headed to New York to Papa’s stomping grounds, Margaretville.  We can’t wait.  There is something so peaceful about going home to the moutains.  We are thrilled to see Dad and Mom, to potty train Leon, (can I hear an amen) and just to get a few extra zzz’s before our real life in Virginia Beach begins in a few short weeks.  Too bad we all can’t blame our problems in life on gas, like Sol. As adults we have to learn to resolve lifes problems and discomforts with or without  help.  It’s the working through of these things that round us out and make us more grace filled and patient people.  As I always tell Leon patience is ‘happy and waiting’.  Papa and I are learning patience now, hoping for sleep filled nights soon and life outside of duffle bags.  Until then we are happy and waiting.

Love, Bep

Almost home…

I stepped into the elevator in our hotel in Sidney NE and instantly felt like I was in Novasibirsk, Siberia at 15 years old.  Strange how a distinct smell, and the right humidity and temperature can flash you back to a memory long forgotten.  Loved that feeling. I am hoping to have that same “flash-back” experience about home once I am in Virginia Beach.  I am sure I will.

We are a few hours outside Virginia Beach.  We are almost home, I guess.  This is a feeling I have never experienced.  Almost home to somewhere I know nothing about.  It’s kind of exciting, and altogether strange.  Leaving Lee and Bonte’s this morning I knew it was real.  After a 5 day visit, which was altogether too much fun, you have that natural feeling of “heading home” inside.  This time though, I knew we were not going to somewhere that felt like home yet.  I am not sure I will ever have this experience again.  Most places you move to, you have scouted out, or visited before.  It’s sort of a strange visit home this time.  I feel ready for it though today.  Five days spent with Bub, Bonte’ and Lee was medicine for the heart and just what we needed for this next little leg of the Journey.  The goodbyes this morning, were sweet.  I kept saying to Julie, “Well, if we left anything, you can just bring it in a few weeks”.  Then we would smile ear to ear.  I almost needed to pinch myself this morning.  We stood praying for a few moments, huddled together on the wet, wet grass with North Carolina humidity sticking us together like glue.  We are really on the East Coast and really about to drive into Virginia Beach.  So many unknowns are about to be known.  This beast of anticipation is about to be had.  I love the feeling I have today.  I know the Lord’s sitting right next to me today.  He always is, but today I am aware of His presence in a special way.  We are drivning down a gorgeous tree lined road with raindrops the size of sol fists hitting the windshield.  I think I am going to stop writing and take it all in for now.

Bep

P.S.  We got a new rocking chair and a load of other stuff today. We have to redo the seat of the rocker, but it is a keeper.

The “was” and the “will be”…

Well, it’s really real now. We are at a hotel in Sidney NE, both kids just fell asleep and we are very far from our once home.  We are really doing this.  Everything we own is with us and it’s just me, David and our boys, off on the adventure of our lives.  To be honest, I am not sure how I feel.  I have a perpetual pit in the middle of my tummy  from the insane mixture of emotions and the finality of what we are doing.  It’s strange to think I may never live on the West Coast again.  I probably never will.  It’s obvious I will see my family again, but these goodbyes were different.  These were the goodbyes that close a chapter of how life once was. The “was” that was a drive home just shy of 3 hours if I had a hankering to see my fam.  The “Was” that was last minute trips from a sister, celebrations of birthday’s in the Anderson family tradition, and many other things that I could list forever. Saying goodbye this time was all together different.  Tears flow easily these days.  It’s not that I don’t have excitement in my core, I do, but transitions like these are not easily made for someone like me.  I am still trying not to think about it too much and focusing on our life in small chunks called “days”.  If I get beyond the day I am currently residing in, my functionality goes down hill at a rapid speed.  My heart aches a bit, a lot actually.  I don’t think it has actually sunk in that the goodbyes that were said might last for longer than I would hope.  It all happened so fast.  We waited and waited for Solie to recover so we could leave and when he finally did, life seemed to whirl wind us to where we are now, two days in to the Journey East.  CRAZY.  I feel raw, probably because I am. I am preparing my heart to love as I have always loved, to send roots down deep without hesitation, though I may rather hesitate.  To find new treasures, though I loved my old ones.  I will cherish memories, and think of them often, though I may rather stuff them away.  Life is meant to be lived, and that is what we are doing.  A whole new world awaits us.  One I am quite eager to meet.  But we can’t settle just yet. A few more things to follow.  The 4th of July with Bonte’, Lee, and Bub in “Kern-0-rina”. (of which Leon is convinced that Aswan will be there), and going home to New York.  We can’t wait for both!!! Boy, are Grandma and Grandpa eager to meet Solie. I have to say, after this more than crazy season, I am looking forward to unwrapping my favorite mugs, and pulling out an old sweater or two.  A few familiar things will keep me going until we’ve made a nest that feels like home.  Until then, I’ll live with a full heart, whatever that may mean.  I am not sure I really know.

A bit home sick ….

Bep