A letter

How to love the morning???

In Road Trip on July 17, 2011 at 2:32 pm

As of late I am trying to figure out how to love the morning.  I am, simply put, tired.  More dramatically put, exhausted, delirious, and short on the grace I would like to have. I have never been a morning person, but can stay up if I have to (or want to) until the wee hours of the morning.  I guess that is what made me such a cookie cutter candidate for the restaurant industry all those years working before motherhood.  Sol has been sleeping “like a poop” as I would say.  Two nights ago he woke up 5 times in 8 hours. I felt like I barely slept in between.  I probably didn’t.  I think it makes it worse that he was sleeping  7 hour stretched before getting whooping cough.  Now our little sleeping angel is giving us no rest.  I am remembering to be thankful when my patience is dry, that he is alive.  Remembering to be thankful, even if I have to stare into a screaming frustrated face, that he is our little face to stare at.  Whooping cough sure took it out of him and us.  I don’t think either parties are the same after, yet.  He grew quite accustomed to our regimented 24-hour care for him while being sick. Every time we heard a squawk, or a peep, we would run to him hoping to calm him before another coughing fit would overtake.  We held him for hours and hours, really all the time, for several months. He would eat whenever he was upset, which was often, almost after every coughing fit. Now, a month later, thankfulness is a digging matter, at times, and frustration easier to find. Our little Solie is a very particular child now, not for reasons any of us would have chosen.  Six a.m. seems like three a.m. to me still, though the kids have adapted to NY time as if there was not change. It’s days like today that I try not to think of the fact we still haven’t moved in, and that that great task still awaits us. These are the days I am finding things to love. I find myself at two in the morning, when I am praying the actual morning will not ever come, when thinking of that first sip of coffee makes me smile. I look forward to Rasin Bran Crunch with almond milk. (though I had detested cereal of all types until pregnant with Sol.) I look forward to hunting for new household items on craigslist, and scheming each rooms decor. (though I have not even seen where we are going to live, yet) I look forward to “the best part of waking up…is Folgers in your cup”, when dad hands me a cup of coffee just the way I like it. (yes, dad may have converted me to Folgers.  It’s a mountain way, or at least a dad way) I look forward to back porch dinners with mom and dad after the kids are in bed.  I salivate thinking of NY pizza, a distant dream that West coasters try their hardest to replicate. I guess you could say that when overwhelmed, I try to think of how to love the morning time, which greets me every day. I try to think of today as the last day that may exist.  This way, I will enjoy each moment, even the tough ones.  That is how I want to live.   I am doing my best.  Most days I feel as though I may just barely be passing the class of life.

Striving for an A+, Bep

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