A letter

Archive for May, 2011|Monthly archive page

147 pages of shoes…

In Chapter Move on May 28, 2011 at 4:19 pm

I have looked through 43 of the 147 pages of summer sandals on Zappos.com so far, to help pass the time. (a dangerous way to pass the time, of course) Praise be to God for smart phones.  So glad I dont’ have my old one with a broken screen.  Who would have thought that we would be spending the last few days holding our precious Solie for hours at a time in a big chair stuffed with pillows every which way?  Not me.  Like I’ve said before, when you think you are at your breaking point, you find out you have some sort of reserve, deep down hidden somewhere.  I guess our reserve is deeper than we thought.  Not sure how people get through life without Jesus.  I told David the other day, If I wasn’t saved before Solie having whooping cough, I sure as heck would get saved now.  With Jesus this is hard enough.  Without him it would be impossible.  Nothing harder on a mother’s heart than seeing their baby so sick. Each coughing fit is as heart wrenching and scary as the last one. Watching your child turn blue, gasping for breath about does you in.  I had no idea just how terrible whooping cough was until now.  The doctor says it’s one of the worst things they see and there isn’t a lot they can do to speed up the process.  They had to change out Solie’s IV because the first one stopped working.  I had a pit in my stomach the few hours building up to it and just had my head down fighting back the tears while they were inserting it into his baby wrist.  What a little trooper he is.  What a little sweetie.  He was awake for a while today smiling and kicking.  Made my heart melt to see those sparkly little eyes all lit up again.  Can’t wait until he can come home.  Can’t wait to lay him down not worried it will send him into a violent coughing fit.  Can’t wait till he doesn’t have clusters of tubes coming out every which way.  But, we will wait.  And while we wait, we will hope.  We have the greatest hope, an amazing physician.  He’s actually the best.  He’s the kind that knows exactly what you need.  He has the perfect touch, that restores, and comforts.  He has the look that sustains.  He is the kind that you can lean on, and that you’re never too heavy for. He’s the kind that wipes your tears, and actually keeps them in a bottle.  He’s the kind that works miracles.  We couldn’t ask for a better one.  Soon this will all be over and we’ll look back stronger than we are now.

Until then…I’ll keep you posted….

Bep

P.S. I learned that P.S. stands for “post script” not “personal secret”. Uproarious laughter followed this discovery.  I prefer to think it means “personal secret”. Much more fun that way.

P.P.S. Molly and I are mastering the art of crosswords the past few days…even Sunday’s sometimes.

P.P.P.S.  Leon’s a little out of sorts with his parents suddenly gone all hours of the day, or sleeping. He said to maggie yesterday…”Where is my mother, where is my father?  I need to find them. I am going to the ‘partment’, see you later.” What a dolly.  He was also gushing with “I love you Moms” this morning while grabbing my arm and laying his head on my shoulder. O how I love him.

With sugar on the top…

In Chapter Move on May 18, 2011 at 6:17 pm

As you know I am a big fan of doing things you enjoy.  After all, we only live once, and life shouldn’t be a drudgery.  And you know Coffee is, without a doubt, my favorite of life’s enjoyments. A day without coffee, even decaf, is a sad day.  It makes my day that much more enjoyable. I sometimes wished David enjoyed coffee as much as I do, but he doesn’t.  I think everyone should find little things that make life enjoyable, like coffee, or sitting to do the crossword for a few minutes each day.  Another of the little things that make me smile.  Sweets as of late have been one of those little enjoyments I have been converted to against my will.  I have been working out, trying to get back into shape after Solie.  Unfortunately, staying at my mom and dads, I am at the mercy of my mom’s sweet tooth.  My brother Bub and I are the two that got a bit overdosed on mom’s nightly desserts as kids.  We are both savory and salty people.  But since staying here, YIKES!!!  A little bite here and a little bite there is a dangerous thing.  Mom’s desserts are amazing, and they come in a weekly variety of goodness.  A fresh baked chewy chocolate chip cookie,  a pan full of chocolatey rocky road bars, chocolate chocolate chip cookies, and “Chocolate Meat Balls” (Leon’s title for moms chocolate peanut butter balls), just to name a few.  Not to mention FroYo as I have mentioned before.  My goal of loosing my last 12 is now seeming a distant wish.  I have decided I shall be like my sister Bonte’ and her husband Lee and ration out when I shall have these goodnesses.  They strictly eat desserts only on the weekends.  Applause, applause!  I think if our family implemented this plan it would benefit us all while still affording us the joy of such goodnesses.  David, the real sweet tooth in our family and has strongly passed this trait on to Leon.  Since working out David is becoming quite the health conscious one.  I am normally the one trying to reel them in, suggesting carrots over chocolate chips etc.  What has happened to me?  I am the one suggesting FroYo now.  This is when I say, you live once.  I guess our workouts (David’s at the gym and mine on the internet or at home with my mom) are so that we can enjoy this life we live.  I guess I am lightening up some, which is probably good, and David is tightening up, which is also probably good.  Maybe we are both more balanced now.  Twelve pounds less or not, you should for sure find yourselves a FroYo and try it. In Coeur d’Alene where our good friend “Uncle Caleb” lives, its called “Jams”. I think they all have different names.  You should also, twelve pounds less or not, work out.  It is good for you on all sorts of levels and allows for a little more room to “fudge”. If you are struggling to enjoy life, allow yourself the luxury, even if it is only once, to do something enjoyable.  Promise me you will. Don’t let life be a drudgery.  Enjoy it.

Enjoying mine,

Bep





Today, not tomorrow or yesterday.

In Chapter Move on May 16, 2011 at 11:51 pm

I have found myself wishing tomorrow would come.  For, after all, tomorrow could mean so many things.  It could mean answers about our house selling or not, and what would happen either way.  It could mean knowing what Law School is like and how we are handling it.  It could mean knowing our financial state, and exactly when money might run out. It could mean knowing what friends we might make, what our apartment is like, and just how hot the summers are in Virginia Beach.  But, it might also mean that Solie is 18 years old and his melt-heart, dimpled smile would not be the same.  It might mean that Leon stops saying “I love you the best time” and  “movies are my life”.  It might also mean that when Pe-Paw is telling Leon just how great of a boy he is, that he might not respond with an innocent…”are you done yet?”.  It might mean that we are celebrating our 30 year anniversary, and can’t remember the beauty of this time with our boys, and the great adventure we find ourselves in.  It might mean that the delicious Flying Goat pizza dinner we had is blurred instead of the greatest family dinner we have enjoyed in a while. Wishing tomorrow would come would mean wishing away today. Tomorrow will come, but for now I can enjoy daily walks with my mom, late night hang outs with our dear friends the Hugs, coffee dates with my sisters, lots of dates with my handsome husband, free baby sitters, my moms amazing home cooked meals, Cousin time with the Sonnelands, and snuggling our 32lb 2 year old and our 9 week old Solie.  It doesn’t get much better than today.  It’s been pouring rain all day and we slept with our window open to the sound of it last night.  I love the rain.  I have decided to live here for now.  I’ll get to live tomorrow when it comes. Are there stresses in today?  Well, today there have been many, but I am deciding not to focus on them as best I can. Most of them I have no control of.  As of now, today, we are okay.  Actually, we are more than okay. We are blessed.

On this rainy day,

Bep

The in between…

In Chapter Move on May 10, 2011 at 10:25 pm

What have we been up to since leaving Wally?  I am not exactly sure.  A whole lot of…um…stuff I guess you could say.  It’s quite strange to go from one fully established life as youth pastors and a well established routine into a season of limbo overnight.  We were pooped when we got to Spokane.  Actually, more than pooped.  I don’t think we knew exactly how tired we were until just recently when we stopped feeling so tired.  Little Solie will never know how crazy it was around the time of his birth, but I will.  Packing, giving birth to a baby, 2 weeks later having a huge yard sale, more packing, and three days before leaving, all of us getting the stomach flu.  Just when you think you can’t handle anything else, you find out you can. When Solie was 3 weeks and a few days old we drove away and headed for a lot of unknowns.  These unknowns have just begun to get exciting.  I wish I knew what we could have done to flip the anticipatory switch earlier, but am so thankful it has ben flipped.  PD and I decided to google search “things to love about Virginia Beach”.  It’s a whole land of unknowns that I am ready (or think I am getting ready) to take on. As Leon will says,” we will live in Ginia Beach” and constantly says he is ready to go there.  To get back to the first question, I am still not really sure I can fully tell, but will try.

Two boys and all their needs fill most of our days. There are lot’s of poop changes. (hopefully, soon there will be less if Leon ever decides to do what one must to wear “big boy undies).  There are daily naps, most days for some of us.  There are vigorous workouts for 2 of us and there are play-date trips to the park with Aunt Allison the kids, and many other friends.   We’ve also been hanging out with grammy and pepaw, the aunts and uncle hobes (my youngest brother), and taking many trips to this amazing frozen yogurt place called “FroYo”.  It’s dangerous to have such a steel-trap-minded boy who will randomly say, “I need to go to FroYo”.  We normally, gladly oblige.  It’s a small sacrifice in parenthood we are willing to make.  This family time is irreplaceable and very needed.  Much of our days thus far have been filled with un-recallable things that have slowly allowed us to unwind, breathe, and adjust to our new life that awaits us.  God is amazing and knows what we need when we often don’t. What’s great about this season is, there are really no lasts and no firsts, just the comfort of family which is constant.  We are blessed to have this season of the in betweens.

Until later,

Bep

Not missing a beat…

In Chapter Move on May 9, 2011 at 8:55 pm

Kids keep life real.  They also seem to adapt better than we do.  Moved or not they need to eat, poop, play, and sleep.  And since they do, we do.  It’s a good thing we have them.  Leon’s statements and comments on life never cease to amaze us.  His new occupation is keeping tabs on several important things in life;  whether people are cold or werm (warm), whether people are awake or asleep, and whether people are happy or sad. He also questions in several ways just so he is clear in his questioning.  “Are you werm pappy, are you not cold?” “Are you awake mom, are you not sleeping?”  Thank God we have him, other wise we may not have been keeping tabs on such important things in life.  He is a thoughtful boy.  The other day when I was homesick and crying while sitting on the bed next to papa, he inquired…”are you sad mom? you have a tear.  Can I hold you?”  I picked him up and he proceeded to hug me, patting my back ever so gently repeatedly saying…”It’s okay mom, it’s going to be okay.”  I proceeded to cry harder and laugh at the same time while looking at David in amazement.  What an amazing boy we have here.  God really knows what we need and he gave us Leon. He is also quite concerned on doing everything, “togeever”.  Well, I can’t say he didn’t get anything from me.  He has my togetherness sense, and my brick feet.  Smile.  Solie seems to be thriving as well.  He has gained a whopping 4 lbs since we left Wally.  Hopefully the rest of us have not.  He is smiling and cooing and learing to sleep well at night. We are blessed to have our boys and are trying to adapt and look at life more like they do.  If we have learned one thing though, it is that there is almost no crankiness a good nap can’t fix.

Thankful for our

munchkins,

Bep

Smiling Sol.

Leon.

Sentiment…

In Chapter Move on May 9, 2011 at 8:24 pm

I think I am possibly one of the most sentimental humans out there.  Just about everything carries sentiment for me.  I was one of those people that saved all the hair from hair cuts for years in little plastic sandwich sacks.  (I think I still have some of those sacks in a childhood box.) So, you can imagine for me, moving is no easy task.  Moving means leaving things behind, and in this case, not just places or residence, but people.  For David, moving is adventure and thrill.  For him saying good bye is as simple as “see ya, it’s been great knowing you.” I sometimes wish it was that easy for me.  Instead, good byes are filled with thousands of tears and floods of memories.  It’s how I am though, I love deeply.  Whether it is finally throwing out the back pack my dad used to carry us in (which was over 30 years old and not functional) that no one purchased at our yard sale, or squeezing a dear friend not knowing when you may see them again, both are darn hard for me.  There were many “lasts” for our family over the past few months.  The first of the Last’s began when Luke left for “North Kern-O-Rina” (North Carolina in case you don’t understand Leon lingo) to drum for The Paper Tongues.  This was an unexpected change of plans for Luke and began the good bye process much too soon for me.  The “Lasts” included, eating cheap box pizza late at night with bub and Esamy, Leon playing drums “wif uncle bub” at church, visiting uncle at Starbucks, and not having Luke come in the back door saying “toot-toot”, as he was looking for Leon.  This was just a few of the things that would change forever.  I will never forget the last time I lead worship, the Sunday after Love Encounter.  There are no better people to play and sing with, absolutely none.  I sat through our last Sunday service choking back the tears as I looked around the sanctuary.  What wonderful faces, what beautiful people.  I don’t really recall what Pastor Bob spoke on, but won’t forget hearing him speak.  What an amazing pastor. Everything had  a “last” before we drove away. Even the apple blossom trees blossomed pink buds to bid their farewell to us.  I could go on and on, but I might have to write forever.  Oh how I will miss Wally World and all the things it holds.  What a wonderful chapter of our lives.

We’ll talk soon…

Bep

Drumming with Uncle Bub

So we have moved…

In Chapter Move on May 9, 2011 at 7:35 pm

Well, it’s been exactly 38 days since we left Walla Walla, and things have not gone as we thought they would at all.  I think I am just beginning to catch my breath and can’t believe it took me 38 days to do so.  Ha!  Life is never what you think it is going to be.  Most of the time it’s better, and on occasion, before you get to the better part, it’s worse.  This has been one of those times.  I guess when I step back and look at what we have been through in the last few months, I think we are doing pretty darn good.  I have heard there are 5 major transitions in life said to be the most stressful and we can check off just about all of them.  We are changing careers, moving to a new state, selling a house, and just had a baby!  I look back at the last few months and am dumbfounded that we survived.  Praise God we are beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel.  Some tunnels are very long.

I’ll try to write more soon!

All my love,

Bep

A Last Walla Sunset

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