A letter

The “was” and the “will be”…

In Road Trip on June 30, 2011 at 10:08 pm

Well, it’s really real now. We are at a hotel in Sidney NE, both kids just fell asleep and we are very far from our once home.  We are really doing this.  Everything we own is with us and it’s just me, David and our boys, off on the adventure of our lives.  To be honest, I am not sure how I feel.  I have a perpetual pit in the middle of my tummy  from the insane mixture of emotions and the finality of what we are doing.  It’s strange to think I may never live on the West Coast again.  I probably never will.  It’s obvious I will see my family again, but these goodbyes were different.  These were the goodbyes that close a chapter of how life once was. The “was” that was a drive home just shy of 3 hours if I had a hankering to see my fam.  The “Was” that was last minute trips from a sister, celebrations of birthday’s in the Anderson family tradition, and many other things that I could list forever. Saying goodbye this time was all together different.  Tears flow easily these days.  It’s not that I don’t have excitement in my core, I do, but transitions like these are not easily made for someone like me.  I am still trying not to think about it too much and focusing on our life in small chunks called “days”.  If I get beyond the day I am currently residing in, my functionality goes down hill at a rapid speed.  My heart aches a bit, a lot actually.  I don’t think it has actually sunk in that the goodbyes that were said might last for longer than I would hope.  It all happened so fast.  We waited and waited for Solie to recover so we could leave and when he finally did, life seemed to whirl wind us to where we are now, two days in to the Journey East.  CRAZY.  I feel raw, probably because I am. I am preparing my heart to love as I have always loved, to send roots down deep without hesitation, though I may rather hesitate.  To find new treasures, though I loved my old ones.  I will cherish memories, and think of them often, though I may rather stuff them away.  Life is meant to be lived, and that is what we are doing.  A whole new world awaits us.  One I am quite eager to meet.  But we can’t settle just yet. A few more things to follow.  The 4th of July with Bonte’, Lee, and Bub in “Kern-0-rina”. (of which Leon is convinced that Aswan will be there), and going home to New York.  We can’t wait for both!!! Boy, are Grandma and Grandpa eager to meet Solie. I have to say, after this more than crazy season, I am looking forward to unwrapping my favorite mugs, and pulling out an old sweater or two.  A few familiar things will keep me going until we’ve made a nest that feels like home.  Until then, I’ll live with a full heart, whatever that may mean.  I am not sure I really know.

A bit home sick ….


  1. totally crying…LOVE YOU. the East Coast is wonderful too, different, but still good. We can still have Anderson family birthday’s. Now we’ll just have to travel to each other’s houses. Can’t wait for 3 more days to pass! Love you dearly BEP! you guys are amazing and inspiring! Good things await your future, I just know it!

  2. Oh, I am sad and happy for you Bep! What an amazing and super hard thing to do. The world is shrinking a little bit every day though, it’s crazy how small it can be sometimes! In any case, with lots of phone calls and texts and emails and Facebook and Skype and it won’t be quite as bad!! I can’t even imagine what it was like for the pioneers who left with a goodbye that meant forever, with nothing but written letters after that. Wow. Well, God bless you & keep you all safe as you get to your new home and every day that you live there!

  3. Bep! miss you dearest dear sister. so glad you guys get to be with our fam in NC. love you guys sooo much! today would be a perfect day to hang out with you…someday again soon!

  4. Amazing blog, it blessed me… You are so wise. Love You!

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