You know your pregnant when…

Growing a human is a very odd thing. Right? And, for whatever reason I am having the hardest time wrapping my mind around it this time even though it’s round three. Call me crazy, but other than the fact that I am getting more enormous by the day, it still doesn’t feel that real.

I was mingling outside church a few weeks ago and stopped to give someone a hug. She squeezed back and then matter-of-factly informed me that I had gained weight in my thighs and that my face was filling out. I just smiled and tried with every ounce of ability in me not to burst into uproarious laughter. Who says that to someone? I didn’t know exactly what to say, or how to respond. “Thank you,” didn’t seem fitting, because who wants to “fill out,” pregnant or not. On the other hand, I guess I could be thankful because I am in fact having a baby and it’s sort of part of the gig. I wish you could have seen the faces of the couple behind her. They were appalled and weren’t sure how to remedy the situation. I don’t blame them or judge them for their silence. It was an all around awkward situation.

Later in the week someone asked how many weeks I had left. “Oh,” I responded, “only twenty.” I sort of felt like giving the guy a pass, because after all he was single and probably knows nothing about the process of growing and birthing humans. He probably thought asking how many weeks I had left was a perfectly normal question not implying that I look huge or anything of the sort. If only he could have seen me at 42 weeks pregnant with Leon he might not have asked that particular question, knowing I am in no way close to birth.

Life is a strange thing, and the process to getting there even stranger. Through pregnancy we get to see in plain view this long and sometimes very uncomfortable journey to new life. But, whatever we have to go through to get to the birth of the miracle is so worth it in the end.

Miss you friend.

Bep

 

To-do and not-to-do lists.

To do lists should be created to help us live our lives, not to run them. This is often forgotten by my neat-freak perfectionistic self—especially lately. Please send me a postcard to help me remember: Living is the goal, not the list! If you’ve wondered where I disappeared to the last month and a half, now you know. I’ve been trying to figure our how to live in this new and awesome chapter of life where EVERYTHING is different.

I don’t think there has been one day since moving that I felt caught up! I feel like my to do list has been ever-growing and though the days pass, I’m not exactly sure what took place. Much of this can be blamed the two small lads that roam, the copious amount of naps I’ve needed to take while growing a human, and on Davids new work schedule—and I mean “blamed” in the happiest sense. We actually see David every day for more than an hour or two. You have no idea how wonderful this is, but I’m sure you can imagine. He often joins us for lunch or dinner and frequently gets to work from home. We’ve had dinner parties, watched tons of movies and sporadically taken road trips just because we could. I find it odd though that none of these things were on my check-list. I’ve been realizing there are things in life that cannot be check-listed. Sure, lists can help us be organized and can help us not forget things at the store like half and half, which would be a small but major tragedy. However, much of life’s gold we really crave cannot be put on a list or checked off.

You know how I thrive on check lists and organization, and the feeling of accomplishment those things bring. And, these traits, thanks to my mother, are a wonderful asset in life. At times though, when throned or imbalanced, they clutter the happiness and contentment of my heart.

Loving husbands and children are not tasks we can or should complete by dusk, but the adventure and the essence of our lives. If the sheets are THAT dirty I will change them, even if I didn’t write it down somewhere. I’m sure I will eventually unload and reload the dishwasher when I have no clean dishes to use. These things have a way of reminding you themselves that they need to be done. Sometimes what I need is to be freed from the list I’ve made for myself. The list that is so rigid and dictates so much. The list that can leave me feeling like a failure of a wife or mom at the end of the day. The list that doesn’t account for moments, conversations, or random hot chocolate dates. The list that measures so much but leaves me so empty.

I’m realizing the things that I really care about in life, can’t be put on a checklist and never should be.

Love you friend.

Bep