A letter

Archive for January, 2012|Monthly archive page

2 cups of French Press and a quite moment at 10 am…

In Home in Virginia on January 19, 2012 at 9:01 am

This is strange.  A quiet moment on a Thursday? As the girls would say, impossible.  It’s 10 in the morning and Leon is at the neighbors playing, Solie is sleeping, I am dressed, make-uped, and decided my first cup of French press was so good that I should make another.  The next thought was trying to figure out what to do with this strange scenario.  Should I pick up the Wego-Dukelos?  (Lego Duplos) No, I decided, because they will be dumped out shortly after this quite moment ceases.  I think today I will just sit and write and have a few moments to think to myself.  It’s been quite a few weeks.  For the first time in months, both kids are well.  After a long stretch of ear infections, nasty colds, and stomach flu’s we are finally well.  What a relief.  On top of it all, Solie has slept through the night for the last 4 nights.  I hardly know what to do with myself.  It’s been a long 10 months of waking up every few hours with him for some reason or another.  Honestly, I feel more tired than I did before.  My body is in sleep shock!!! I love it.  I feel I have breathed in a fresh breath of grace. I needed it.  I feel the sun is shining on us this past season.  God has been providing things in a humorous way.  Our money keeps stretching, companies we have ordered from have screwed up, and therefore given us more money, things not covered under warranties are being covered on exception, and it’s been amazing.  I keep smiling at God’s goodness.  I even found a brand new, with tags on, white Le Creuset  for $64 dollars on Craigslist.  Talk about a delighted heart.  God must be laughing at me sometimes.  I love the little things, and love that God cares about the things that make me smile.  I feel a deep sense of gratitude as of late, and am just letting the goodness sink in.

I have been deeply homesick too, such a strange mix of emotions.  We are walking the hard road of being the “new kids on the block”.  It’s a pit-in-the-stomach journey that I do not wish upon anyone.  My heart aches just to be known.  I have learned a lot in our church hunting season.  I think everyone should take a Sunday and go alone to a different church. It would be an eye opening experience.  This whole journey has only convinced my sensitive heart more of the conviction I already had before, that we really must love others as we would want to be loved.  We underestimate the power of saying hello to someone sitting alone, telling the usher to add a seat on to our number so a stranger might become a bit more like family, or simply introducing ourselves and a few friends to someone who doesn’t know a soul.  This week was a week when after all the reaching out trying to connect, I just felt like sitting down and crying. I don’t recall feeling such a way since I was a little girl at a birthday party when something went awry.  It sort of knocked the wind out of me emotionally for days.  If I felt this way, being the rather confident soul I am, then how must the dejected soul, far from the loving arms of Jesus feel? The outcome has been a gentle prodding to just sit back in the loving arms of Jesus.  He knows me, really well.  I don’t have to prove anything to him.  He already likes me, notices the favorite pair of shoes I put on today, and knows what he’s put inside of me.  I don’t think he’s even had a concerning thought as to dreams in my heart that feel like they are over. To him it was only moments ago that those were a reality and only moments ahead when they will unfold again.  That is the pillow I am trying to rest my head on.  It’s a wonderful pillow if only I would let my head really fall deep into it and just relax.  I’m getting there.  They are planning the 5th year of Love Encounter.  I can hardly believe it.  On one hand, it’s the most exciting thing ever.  To see something you birthed continue when you are gone, is quite possibly the best thing for the heart.  On the other hand, it’s heart wrenching not to be there.  I am flashing back to this time last year, all the preparations, the housing, the 1000 phone calls with all our peeps and a million questions to be answered, the late night worship practices and hilarious laughter (mostly at me ) from the team about my excitement for the song trio, the late night art projects that my crazy artistic man inspired, and the gigantic larger than life horses.  Still to this day all I have to say to bub is “majestic” and we die laughing.  I’m thinking back to my very large belly amidst it all as we waited for Solomon’s due date a few weeks after.  I think about the call of God to put us in Wally and just how amazing the Lord is.  It’s still so much a part of me, I hope it always will be.  I can’t believe a year has almost gone by already.  I won’t ever forget listening to my honey preach one of his last words there!  He was an amazing Pastor, and is an amazing man.  Kara told me this week that she wishes I could be there to see all that is taking place.  Yet, she said if I was there still, it probably wouldn’t be taking place at all.  So true.  That’s often how God works.  I couldn’t be more proud of everyone.  I guess this is what quiet times do, let me really process the contents of my heart.  Most of the time the contents are a mess, good or bad mess, a mess just the same.  I guess that is where I find myself today, a good and bad mess, both. I just got a text from Esammy…he got a ticket.  AHHHH.  So exciting.  A piece of home is on its way.  Mom and Rachie come this month, Esammy next month…I can hardly wait.

Thanks for listening.  Love you so.


Our imaginary Christmas card…and vomit…

In Landing on January 4, 2012 at 9:15 pm

Well, as I have come to find out, most things in life don’t go as planned.  It’s neither good nor bad, just life I guess.  Sometimes it’s great they don’t, occasionally it’s sad, and most of the time it’s good.  Us not sending out a Christmas card falls under the sad category.  I think in our whole married life of 7 Christmases we have only successfully sent out one card and photo combo.  Depressing!!! In my perfect world, we would have one for each year showing how our family has changed, how we have gradually gained weight, and we would eventually frame them etc.  The one year we did take a photo, with Chubbs (he was the lucky “child” that has made face-space in our one send out) we only sent out about half of them due to address collection.  I found the sealed, named, yet address-less cards when we packed up the house.  Oh well, I should probably let it go, but it’s just plain depressing in my opinion.  We took a great photo this year, the boys had matching fur lined hats with ear flaps that snap under the chin, and David and I had complete fur hats, mine creamish, his blackish, of the same sort.  At least we have the photo, you can just imagine how amazing it looked in your head and imagine my  kind words to you as well, that I wrote in the most cheery card you have ever received.

There, now that that is out of the way, how was Christmas?  Ours was splendid minus sicknesses surrounding.  Poor Sol baby, after 2 recent ear infections, and a continual snotty nose the last month or two, he also had to get Leon’s nasty cough.  Both boys were not at the top of their game going to NY, but we had  a wonderful time anyhow.  They practically have an entire toy store in their room now, and many a new pair of jeans and shoes thanks to Grandma and Grandpa, and Grammy and PeePaw. I think we may have every “battle guy”, and action figure known to man kind now.  Leon has a “Spidy” mask, and “Cap” mask, (Spider Man and Captain America incase you didn’t follow) complete with shield, and a cape and a eye cape companion (not sure what the little slit eye hole mask device is called).  We can battle the universe at our house.  So if ever, you need assistance in your life, call us up, we’ll be on our way.  Leon turned 3 in NY as well, and Mom threw him a birthday party with kids from their church.  It was fantastic to see his little mind absorbing this all.  Hilariously, on the morning of his birthday, we awoke to find the entire box of cupcakes on the floor in a pile, several missing frosting and a stained Leon face.  I guess he couldn’t wait for cake till later.  I still can’t believe we have a 3 year old.  Where has time gone.  We found a video of him when I was just a few months pregs with Solie.  There is some crazy song out there that says “fat guy in a little coat”.  (this is none of my doing, I repeat, none of my doing)  He somehow heard this song and used to sing it.  He also used to say for weeks after “thats a fat guy” having no idea what it meant.  In this video he was saying that phrase and we would say “who is a fat guy?”  He paused and then proceeded to say, “Maggie is”.  We died watching this video. He’s grown up so much and is still such a character.

David and I enjoyed some much needed us time over break.  I forgot what it was like to share life with my best friend on a daily basis.  How I miss him. It’s a rough adjustment back to my solo world, but at least this time I know we can do it.  We got in a couple of dates and just enjoyed time together as a fam with the boys.  It was the first time ever in my life that I didn’t see any of my family over Christmas or New Years.  So strange.  I miss them so dearly.  Sigh. Thankfully, we’ve been married a while and Engelhardt traditions feel like Christmas to me now too.  Minus the snow (grrr…NY) we had such a wonderful trip home.

Sol is proudly standing up to furniture and scaring us half to death with his bravery.  Days after learning to crawl, I was giving Leon a bath and didn’t think twice about it beign a danger for our bath-loving Solie. I went to get a change of clothing for toots and came back to find Sol standing side the tub reaching in.  I about died.  He’s learning at a rapid pace keeping me on my toes.  He’s such a doll!!! Amazing what the second child can get away with.  Eating big boy food (I didn’t let Leon because of the mess until 18 months, HA), battling, missing naps, and the list could go on.   Scary to think what child number 3 will be doing eventually (no that doesn’t mean anything, just thinking ahead).   It’s a miracle kids survive the dangers of growing up. Parents too for that matter 🙂 We ended our trip with a glorious event of the stomach flu.  Forty minutes into our 12 hour trip home, Leon vomited all over the universe. We forged ahead and were praising God for a new carseat already awaiting us at home.  We gladly chucked the old one for unsaid, but clearly imaginable reasons. This also meant canceling Bonte’, Lee, Luke and Alex coming for my b-day and New Years, but God must have known we needed a few days down before round 2 began.  Though sad, we got some real downtime and felt ready to take on this next semester.  My man makes me proud.  I guess you could say he passed with flying colors.  Many a happy dances were done at the Engelhardt abode.  I feel like I passed too, not necessarily with flying colors, but still, passed.  I do have children that still love me, a hubs that still loves me, and my Jesus, who is at my side through it all and Loves me more than I can comprehend.  That is something to chew on and that is what I will take in to my 2012.  Love you dearly.  Hoping you had a wonderful time the past month or so. To this newest year!

Always, Bep

%d bloggers like this: