A letter

Archive for June, 2011|Monthly archive page

The “was” and the “will be”…

In Road Trip on June 30, 2011 at 10:08 pm

Well, it’s really real now. We are at a hotel in Sidney NE, both kids just fell asleep and we are very far from our once home.  We are really doing this.  Everything we own is with us and it’s just me, David and our boys, off on the adventure of our lives.  To be honest, I am not sure how I feel.  I have a perpetual pit in the middle of my tummy  from the insane mixture of emotions and the finality of what we are doing.  It’s strange to think I may never live on the West Coast again.  I probably never will.  It’s obvious I will see my family again, but these goodbyes were different.  These were the goodbyes that close a chapter of how life once was. The “was” that was a drive home just shy of 3 hours if I had a hankering to see my fam.  The “Was” that was last minute trips from a sister, celebrations of birthday’s in the Anderson family tradition, and many other things that I could list forever. Saying goodbye this time was all together different.  Tears flow easily these days.  It’s not that I don’t have excitement in my core, I do, but transitions like these are not easily made for someone like me.  I am still trying not to think about it too much and focusing on our life in small chunks called “days”.  If I get beyond the day I am currently residing in, my functionality goes down hill at a rapid speed.  My heart aches a bit, a lot actually.  I don’t think it has actually sunk in that the goodbyes that were said might last for longer than I would hope.  It all happened so fast.  We waited and waited for Solie to recover so we could leave and when he finally did, life seemed to whirl wind us to where we are now, two days in to the Journey East.  CRAZY.  I feel raw, probably because I am. I am preparing my heart to love as I have always loved, to send roots down deep without hesitation, though I may rather hesitate.  To find new treasures, though I loved my old ones.  I will cherish memories, and think of them often, though I may rather stuff them away.  Life is meant to be lived, and that is what we are doing.  A whole new world awaits us.  One I am quite eager to meet.  But we can’t settle just yet. A few more things to follow.  The 4th of July with Bonte’, Lee, and Bub in “Kern-0-rina”. (of which Leon is convinced that Aswan will be there), and going home to New York.  We can’t wait for both!!! Boy, are Grandma and Grandpa eager to meet Solie. I have to say, after this more than crazy season, I am looking forward to unwrapping my favorite mugs, and pulling out an old sweater or two.  A few familiar things will keep me going until we’ve made a nest that feels like home.  Until then, I’ll live with a full heart, whatever that may mean.  I am not sure I really know.

A bit home sick ….

Bep

The medicine of laughter…

In Chapter Move on June 10, 2011 at 5:43 pm

No more than twenty minutes after arriving home from our 6 days in the hospital, David and Leon fell down the basement stairs with many loud thuds and random shouts of words that could not be understood.  I thought for sure someone had a broken limb, or worse.  Leon cried without a sound for minutes, his mouth wide open.  Uncle Caleb stood at the top of the steps, glancing over at me with winces and unsure looks.  I didn’t know what to think.  Could this really just have happened? Did my husband and son really just crash to the bottom of the stairs?  Grammy, who was at the bottom of the stairs, was also in awe, and very relieved to finally hear Leon’s silent cry turn into a real, loud one.  Now to check for injuries.  Thankfully, rug burns on Leon’s back and a very sprained ankle on papa was all that the fall incurred.  After getting over the initial shock, we all laughed so hard, that some of us cried.  It was like the unbelievable had just happened, but not quite.  Can you imagine us showing back up to the hospital with our two and a half year old and a broken bone? Or, worse yet, papa being incapacitated with an injury?  I cannot. It was such a relief and so hilarious that we just laughed and laughed for what seemed like hours every time it was mentioned.  I guess sometimes laughter is truly the best medicine.  Thankfully, the outcome of such an event was laughter.  Nothing more, nothing less.

We were given another dose a few days later, much needed as well. We were attempting a family quiet time with the Lord. A time which never turns out to be quiet at all.  Leon was asked to recite Psalm 23 which he has learned with Pepaw since being in Spokane.  He can recite it perfectly in his two year old jargon, though still unable to say “L’s”.   This time when he and Papa got to the part stating “you prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies”….Leon piped in “and gowiwaf” (Goliath).  David and I with grins from ear to ear looked at each other trying not to laugh.  David, before moving to Spokane, had been reading to Leon the story of David and Goliath.  Leon always used to say, “Gowiwaf is a mean enemy of God’s people”.  I guess he just thought it seemed right to add in Goliath as a specific enemy during this particular time of reciting Psalm 23.  We then proceeded to pray together.  David asked Leon to repeat each portion.  David had prayed several phrases, after which Leon would say the exact same. Then David said, “Lord, give us lots of money”.  After a short pause Leon said with great exuberance, “you give us candy!”.  Forget trying not to laugh, it was impossible now.  His quick translation of money into more appropriate and desired terms for someone of his age and appetite was brilliant. Maybe Leon is our prescription drug for life. And maybe, just maybe, God has prescribed for high doses for us, especially in this season.

Love and miss you.

Bep

Endurance…

In Chapter Move on June 10, 2011 at 3:06 pm

I have come to the realization that enduring isn’t something we often get to choose. Endurance is what you are, when you would rather not be.  At least that is how it seems to me.  I find myself thinking, or saying to David, “I am not sure I can do this today”, yet at the end of the day I have.  I looked up the word endurance that is quoted in Hebrews 12:1, and it means patience or steadfast waiting for.  This is our daily feat, not always with great patience, though we try.  The past few weeks have felt like eons.  Just when we thought we were “out in the clear” its worse than we could have imagined.  I am not sure my heart has ever felt that kind of angst before.  I thought we were going to loose our little Solie. No feeling quite like that.  David was amazing.  Images of David blowing furiously into Solie’s mouth as he lay limp and blue are frozen in my mind forever.  So thankful he is here, with us and that one day soon this will all be over.  I’ve also realized that when you think you are alone, you never are.  A Dr. was suddenly on the scene right after David got Solie to come back-to.  Neither of us knew her.  She was checking his pulse, talking with the ambulance team and then showed up in our hospital room.  I was astounded that she would come.  All the nurses knew her too.  “How strange” I thought,” she must work at this hospital”.  Then, come to find out, she was THE pediatric doctor on-call that night and just happened to be at Rachel’s graduation party because Rachel is their nanny!  God is amazing.  Her husband is a pediatric cardiologist and came to read his EKG that night as well. Wow.  What an insane night!  God IS an ever present help in time of need.  Truly he is.  We just got back from a follow up appointment with a pediatric doctor and found out Solie has a double ear infection, again.  Hopefully, after his third round of antibiotic, he will be pain free and be on the mend for good.  For now, it is one day at a time!  It’s been a taxing time, very taxing. Soon we will see the light at the end of the tunnel.  Until then, we know we stand on ground that is not shakable, though we may be.

Enduring….

Bep

“Home is where your rump rests”…

In Chapter Move on June 2, 2011 at 9:14 pm

I realized I never even had a chance to catch you up on our trip to Wally.  I guess that got sidestepped with the Solie episode.  What a crazy week it’s been, and the one before it, well, I thought that one was crazy too.  When it rains it pours. Literally and literally.  Well, we got to our beloved abode to tape out the exact size of the trailer on the basement floor.  Entering our once “home” seeing it so empty was strange.  Even stranger was the comforting feeling of driving into Wally, yet knowing we didn’t live there anymore.  Whew!  Insane mix of emotions.  Little did we know that our plans to carefully pack the imaginary taped trailer full of our treasured things would have such a drastically different outcome.  Meesh, Pd and myself began moving things to the imaginary trailer and quite quickly realized that not only would we have to get rid of the living room furniture, but all our furniture and about half of what we had intended on bringing with us.  It was sort of a sinking feeling.  For me a huge sinking feeling.  David said I started talking in my fake voice, trying to stay positive, telling myself that it would be okay.  Lord must have know I couldn’t handle parting with all of our “home” at the same time.  I thought getting rid of the stuff I had before was rough.  This would mean parting with the favorite of the favorites!  It would mean going to Virginia with just the essentials, our kitchen stuff, a few child hood boxes, books, and clothes for the boys to grown into.  With a coughing baby, the sudden realization of parting with the rest of our stuff and the strange set of emotions of being home, yet not home, I was done for.  We decided to sleep and finish sorting through the next day.  What a fabulous decision.  Sleep does wonders for a worn out soul.  We had much better perspective in the morning.  Things are just things.  And things don’t go with you to heaven.  I will  find new treasures.  I will rescue another couch and chair in Virginia Beach.  I will snatch a perfect flower vase in some wonderful shop I discover, and began hunting for new decorating ideas in various magazines and books along the way.  As Pumba would say…”home is where your rump rests”.  I guess I can learn from Pumba.  Home is not what we have but where ever we will land together. The most important things are going with me already.  My love, and my two boys.  Everything else is replaceable.  We have made it the last two months with just our immediate belongings and are doing just fine.  We have the most important things there are…each other, and friends and family.  As we settle from this last week, and catch our breath, I can now say it’s going to be okay.  It’s sort of refreshing to start all over.  Sometimes you have to just cut the ties and begin brand new. David is made for this, and I think, well, I am too. It will be fun.  It’s crazy to think we are leaving Spokane in 14 days.  Another chapter about to close and a new one about to begin.  I am taking it one day at a time.  One day at a time is good, it’s all you can really do. Remind me to tell you a hilarious story later.  It almost made us cry and well, some of us did cry and laugh at the same time.

I’ll try to write again soon…

Bep

P.S. I found an amazing tea pot that is going with us to VB. In love! It’s short and stout and just plain cute.

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