A letter

Archive for the ‘Chapter Move’ Category

The medicine of laughter…

In Chapter Move on June 10, 2011 at 5:43 pm

No more than twenty minutes after arriving home from our 6 days in the hospital, David and Leon fell down the basement stairs with many loud thuds and random shouts of words that could not be understood.  I thought for sure someone had a broken limb, or worse.  Leon cried without a sound for minutes, his mouth wide open.  Uncle Caleb stood at the top of the steps, glancing over at me with winces and unsure looks.  I didn’t know what to think.  Could this really just have happened? Did my husband and son really just crash to the bottom of the stairs?  Grammy, who was at the bottom of the stairs, was also in awe, and very relieved to finally hear Leon’s silent cry turn into a real, loud one.  Now to check for injuries.  Thankfully, rug burns on Leon’s back and a very sprained ankle on papa was all that the fall incurred.  After getting over the initial shock, we all laughed so hard, that some of us cried.  It was like the unbelievable had just happened, but not quite.  Can you imagine us showing back up to the hospital with our two and a half year old and a broken bone? Or, worse yet, papa being incapacitated with an injury?  I cannot. It was such a relief and so hilarious that we just laughed and laughed for what seemed like hours every time it was mentioned.  I guess sometimes laughter is truly the best medicine.  Thankfully, the outcome of such an event was laughter.  Nothing more, nothing less.

We were given another dose a few days later, much needed as well. We were attempting a family quiet time with the Lord. A time which never turns out to be quiet at all.  Leon was asked to recite Psalm 23 which he has learned with Pepaw since being in Spokane.  He can recite it perfectly in his two year old jargon, though still unable to say “L’s”.   This time when he and Papa got to the part stating “you prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies”….Leon piped in “and gowiwaf” (Goliath).  David and I with grins from ear to ear looked at each other trying not to laugh.  David, before moving to Spokane, had been reading to Leon the story of David and Goliath.  Leon always used to say, “Gowiwaf is a mean enemy of God’s people”.  I guess he just thought it seemed right to add in Goliath as a specific enemy during this particular time of reciting Psalm 23.  We then proceeded to pray together.  David asked Leon to repeat each portion.  David had prayed several phrases, after which Leon would say the exact same. Then David said, “Lord, give us lots of money”.  After a short pause Leon said with great exuberance, “you give us candy!”.  Forget trying not to laugh, it was impossible now.  His quick translation of money into more appropriate and desired terms for someone of his age and appetite was brilliant. Maybe Leon is our prescription drug for life. And maybe, just maybe, God has prescribed for high doses for us, especially in this season.

Love and miss you.

Bep

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Endurance…

In Chapter Move on June 10, 2011 at 3:06 pm

I have come to the realization that enduring isn’t something we often get to choose. Endurance is what you are, when you would rather not be.  At least that is how it seems to me.  I find myself thinking, or saying to David, “I am not sure I can do this today”, yet at the end of the day I have.  I looked up the word endurance that is quoted in Hebrews 12:1, and it means patience or steadfast waiting for.  This is our daily feat, not always with great patience, though we try.  The past few weeks have felt like eons.  Just when we thought we were “out in the clear” its worse than we could have imagined.  I am not sure my heart has ever felt that kind of angst before.  I thought we were going to loose our little Solie. No feeling quite like that.  David was amazing.  Images of David blowing furiously into Solie’s mouth as he lay limp and blue are frozen in my mind forever.  So thankful he is here, with us and that one day soon this will all be over.  I’ve also realized that when you think you are alone, you never are.  A Dr. was suddenly on the scene right after David got Solie to come back-to.  Neither of us knew her.  She was checking his pulse, talking with the ambulance team and then showed up in our hospital room.  I was astounded that she would come.  All the nurses knew her too.  “How strange” I thought,” she must work at this hospital”.  Then, come to find out, she was THE pediatric doctor on-call that night and just happened to be at Rachel’s graduation party because Rachel is their nanny!  God is amazing.  Her husband is a pediatric cardiologist and came to read his EKG that night as well. Wow.  What an insane night!  God IS an ever present help in time of need.  Truly he is.  We just got back from a follow up appointment with a pediatric doctor and found out Solie has a double ear infection, again.  Hopefully, after his third round of antibiotic, he will be pain free and be on the mend for good.  For now, it is one day at a time!  It’s been a taxing time, very taxing. Soon we will see the light at the end of the tunnel.  Until then, we know we stand on ground that is not shakable, though we may be.

Enduring….

Bep

“Home is where your rump rests”…

In Chapter Move on June 2, 2011 at 9:14 pm

I realized I never even had a chance to catch you up on our trip to Wally.  I guess that got sidestepped with the Solie episode.  What a crazy week it’s been, and the one before it, well, I thought that one was crazy too.  When it rains it pours. Literally and literally.  Well, we got to our beloved abode to tape out the exact size of the trailer on the basement floor.  Entering our once “home” seeing it so empty was strange.  Even stranger was the comforting feeling of driving into Wally, yet knowing we didn’t live there anymore.  Whew!  Insane mix of emotions.  Little did we know that our plans to carefully pack the imaginary taped trailer full of our treasured things would have such a drastically different outcome.  Meesh, Pd and myself began moving things to the imaginary trailer and quite quickly realized that not only would we have to get rid of the living room furniture, but all our furniture and about half of what we had intended on bringing with us.  It was sort of a sinking feeling.  For me a huge sinking feeling.  David said I started talking in my fake voice, trying to stay positive, telling myself that it would be okay.  Lord must have know I couldn’t handle parting with all of our “home” at the same time.  I thought getting rid of the stuff I had before was rough.  This would mean parting with the favorite of the favorites!  It would mean going to Virginia with just the essentials, our kitchen stuff, a few child hood boxes, books, and clothes for the boys to grown into.  With a coughing baby, the sudden realization of parting with the rest of our stuff and the strange set of emotions of being home, yet not home, I was done for.  We decided to sleep and finish sorting through the next day.  What a fabulous decision.  Sleep does wonders for a worn out soul.  We had much better perspective in the morning.  Things are just things.  And things don’t go with you to heaven.  I will  find new treasures.  I will rescue another couch and chair in Virginia Beach.  I will snatch a perfect flower vase in some wonderful shop I discover, and began hunting for new decorating ideas in various magazines and books along the way.  As Pumba would say…”home is where your rump rests”.  I guess I can learn from Pumba.  Home is not what we have but where ever we will land together. The most important things are going with me already.  My love, and my two boys.  Everything else is replaceable.  We have made it the last two months with just our immediate belongings and are doing just fine.  We have the most important things there are…each other, and friends and family.  As we settle from this last week, and catch our breath, I can now say it’s going to be okay.  It’s sort of refreshing to start all over.  Sometimes you have to just cut the ties and begin brand new. David is made for this, and I think, well, I am too. It will be fun.  It’s crazy to think we are leaving Spokane in 14 days.  Another chapter about to close and a new one about to begin.  I am taking it one day at a time.  One day at a time is good, it’s all you can really do. Remind me to tell you a hilarious story later.  It almost made us cry and well, some of us did cry and laugh at the same time.

I’ll try to write again soon…

Bep

P.S. I found an amazing tea pot that is going with us to VB. In love! It’s short and stout and just plain cute.

147 pages of shoes…

In Chapter Move on May 28, 2011 at 4:19 pm

I have looked through 43 of the 147 pages of summer sandals on Zappos.com so far, to help pass the time. (a dangerous way to pass the time, of course) Praise be to God for smart phones.  So glad I dont’ have my old one with a broken screen.  Who would have thought that we would be spending the last few days holding our precious Solie for hours at a time in a big chair stuffed with pillows every which way?  Not me.  Like I’ve said before, when you think you are at your breaking point, you find out you have some sort of reserve, deep down hidden somewhere.  I guess our reserve is deeper than we thought.  Not sure how people get through life without Jesus.  I told David the other day, If I wasn’t saved before Solie having whooping cough, I sure as heck would get saved now.  With Jesus this is hard enough.  Without him it would be impossible.  Nothing harder on a mother’s heart than seeing their baby so sick. Each coughing fit is as heart wrenching and scary as the last one. Watching your child turn blue, gasping for breath about does you in.  I had no idea just how terrible whooping cough was until now.  The doctor says it’s one of the worst things they see and there isn’t a lot they can do to speed up the process.  They had to change out Solie’s IV because the first one stopped working.  I had a pit in my stomach the few hours building up to it and just had my head down fighting back the tears while they were inserting it into his baby wrist.  What a little trooper he is.  What a little sweetie.  He was awake for a while today smiling and kicking.  Made my heart melt to see those sparkly little eyes all lit up again.  Can’t wait until he can come home.  Can’t wait to lay him down not worried it will send him into a violent coughing fit.  Can’t wait till he doesn’t have clusters of tubes coming out every which way.  But, we will wait.  And while we wait, we will hope.  We have the greatest hope, an amazing physician.  He’s actually the best.  He’s the kind that knows exactly what you need.  He has the perfect touch, that restores, and comforts.  He has the look that sustains.  He is the kind that you can lean on, and that you’re never too heavy for. He’s the kind that wipes your tears, and actually keeps them in a bottle.  He’s the kind that works miracles.  We couldn’t ask for a better one.  Soon this will all be over and we’ll look back stronger than we are now.

Until then…I’ll keep you posted….

Bep

P.S. I learned that P.S. stands for “post script” not “personal secret”. Uproarious laughter followed this discovery.  I prefer to think it means “personal secret”. Much more fun that way.

P.P.S. Molly and I are mastering the art of crosswords the past few days…even Sunday’s sometimes.

P.P.P.S.  Leon’s a little out of sorts with his parents suddenly gone all hours of the day, or sleeping. He said to maggie yesterday…”Where is my mother, where is my father?  I need to find them. I am going to the ‘partment’, see you later.” What a dolly.  He was also gushing with “I love you Moms” this morning while grabbing my arm and laying his head on my shoulder. O how I love him.

With sugar on the top…

In Chapter Move on May 18, 2011 at 6:17 pm

As you know I am a big fan of doing things you enjoy.  After all, we only live once, and life shouldn’t be a drudgery.  And you know Coffee is, without a doubt, my favorite of life’s enjoyments. A day without coffee, even decaf, is a sad day.  It makes my day that much more enjoyable. I sometimes wished David enjoyed coffee as much as I do, but he doesn’t.  I think everyone should find little things that make life enjoyable, like coffee, or sitting to do the crossword for a few minutes each day.  Another of the little things that make me smile.  Sweets as of late have been one of those little enjoyments I have been converted to against my will.  I have been working out, trying to get back into shape after Solie.  Unfortunately, staying at my mom and dads, I am at the mercy of my mom’s sweet tooth.  My brother Bub and I are the two that got a bit overdosed on mom’s nightly desserts as kids.  We are both savory and salty people.  But since staying here, YIKES!!!  A little bite here and a little bite there is a dangerous thing.  Mom’s desserts are amazing, and they come in a weekly variety of goodness.  A fresh baked chewy chocolate chip cookie,  a pan full of chocolatey rocky road bars, chocolate chocolate chip cookies, and “Chocolate Meat Balls” (Leon’s title for moms chocolate peanut butter balls), just to name a few.  Not to mention FroYo as I have mentioned before.  My goal of loosing my last 12 is now seeming a distant wish.  I have decided I shall be like my sister Bonte’ and her husband Lee and ration out when I shall have these goodnesses.  They strictly eat desserts only on the weekends.  Applause, applause!  I think if our family implemented this plan it would benefit us all while still affording us the joy of such goodnesses.  David, the real sweet tooth in our family and has strongly passed this trait on to Leon.  Since working out David is becoming quite the health conscious one.  I am normally the one trying to reel them in, suggesting carrots over chocolate chips etc.  What has happened to me?  I am the one suggesting FroYo now.  This is when I say, you live once.  I guess our workouts (David’s at the gym and mine on the internet or at home with my mom) are so that we can enjoy this life we live.  I guess I am lightening up some, which is probably good, and David is tightening up, which is also probably good.  Maybe we are both more balanced now.  Twelve pounds less or not, you should for sure find yourselves a FroYo and try it. In Coeur d’Alene where our good friend “Uncle Caleb” lives, its called “Jams”. I think they all have different names.  You should also, twelve pounds less or not, work out.  It is good for you on all sorts of levels and allows for a little more room to “fudge”. If you are struggling to enjoy life, allow yourself the luxury, even if it is only once, to do something enjoyable.  Promise me you will. Don’t let life be a drudgery.  Enjoy it.

Enjoying mine,

Bep





Today, not tomorrow or yesterday.

In Chapter Move on May 16, 2011 at 11:51 pm

I have found myself wishing tomorrow would come.  For, after all, tomorrow could mean so many things.  It could mean answers about our house selling or not, and what would happen either way.  It could mean knowing what Law School is like and how we are handling it.  It could mean knowing our financial state, and exactly when money might run out. It could mean knowing what friends we might make, what our apartment is like, and just how hot the summers are in Virginia Beach.  But, it might also mean that Solie is 18 years old and his melt-heart, dimpled smile would not be the same.  It might mean that Leon stops saying “I love you the best time” and  “movies are my life”.  It might also mean that when Pe-Paw is telling Leon just how great of a boy he is, that he might not respond with an innocent…”are you done yet?”.  It might mean that we are celebrating our 30 year anniversary, and can’t remember the beauty of this time with our boys, and the great adventure we find ourselves in.  It might mean that the delicious Flying Goat pizza dinner we had is blurred instead of the greatest family dinner we have enjoyed in a while. Wishing tomorrow would come would mean wishing away today. Tomorrow will come, but for now I can enjoy daily walks with my mom, late night hang outs with our dear friends the Hugs, coffee dates with my sisters, lots of dates with my handsome husband, free baby sitters, my moms amazing home cooked meals, Cousin time with the Sonnelands, and snuggling our 32lb 2 year old and our 9 week old Solie.  It doesn’t get much better than today.  It’s been pouring rain all day and we slept with our window open to the sound of it last night.  I love the rain.  I have decided to live here for now.  I’ll get to live tomorrow when it comes. Are there stresses in today?  Well, today there have been many, but I am deciding not to focus on them as best I can. Most of them I have no control of.  As of now, today, we are okay.  Actually, we are more than okay. We are blessed.

On this rainy day,

Bep

The in between…

In Chapter Move on May 10, 2011 at 10:25 pm

What have we been up to since leaving Wally?  I am not exactly sure.  A whole lot of…um…stuff I guess you could say.  It’s quite strange to go from one fully established life as youth pastors and a well established routine into a season of limbo overnight.  We were pooped when we got to Spokane.  Actually, more than pooped.  I don’t think we knew exactly how tired we were until just recently when we stopped feeling so tired.  Little Solie will never know how crazy it was around the time of his birth, but I will.  Packing, giving birth to a baby, 2 weeks later having a huge yard sale, more packing, and three days before leaving, all of us getting the stomach flu.  Just when you think you can’t handle anything else, you find out you can. When Solie was 3 weeks and a few days old we drove away and headed for a lot of unknowns.  These unknowns have just begun to get exciting.  I wish I knew what we could have done to flip the anticipatory switch earlier, but am so thankful it has ben flipped.  PD and I decided to google search “things to love about Virginia Beach”.  It’s a whole land of unknowns that I am ready (or think I am getting ready) to take on. As Leon will says,” we will live in Ginia Beach” and constantly says he is ready to go there.  To get back to the first question, I am still not really sure I can fully tell, but will try.

Two boys and all their needs fill most of our days. There are lot’s of poop changes. (hopefully, soon there will be less if Leon ever decides to do what one must to wear “big boy undies).  There are daily naps, most days for some of us.  There are vigorous workouts for 2 of us and there are play-date trips to the park with Aunt Allison the kids, and many other friends.   We’ve also been hanging out with grammy and pepaw, the aunts and uncle hobes (my youngest brother), and taking many trips to this amazing frozen yogurt place called “FroYo”.  It’s dangerous to have such a steel-trap-minded boy who will randomly say, “I need to go to FroYo”.  We normally, gladly oblige.  It’s a small sacrifice in parenthood we are willing to make.  This family time is irreplaceable and very needed.  Much of our days thus far have been filled with un-recallable things that have slowly allowed us to unwind, breathe, and adjust to our new life that awaits us.  God is amazing and knows what we need when we often don’t. What’s great about this season is, there are really no lasts and no firsts, just the comfort of family which is constant.  We are blessed to have this season of the in betweens.

Until later,

Bep

Not missing a beat…

In Chapter Move on May 9, 2011 at 8:55 pm

Kids keep life real.  They also seem to adapt better than we do.  Moved or not they need to eat, poop, play, and sleep.  And since they do, we do.  It’s a good thing we have them.  Leon’s statements and comments on life never cease to amaze us.  His new occupation is keeping tabs on several important things in life;  whether people are cold or werm (warm), whether people are awake or asleep, and whether people are happy or sad. He also questions in several ways just so he is clear in his questioning.  “Are you werm pappy, are you not cold?” “Are you awake mom, are you not sleeping?”  Thank God we have him, other wise we may not have been keeping tabs on such important things in life.  He is a thoughtful boy.  The other day when I was homesick and crying while sitting on the bed next to papa, he inquired…”are you sad mom? you have a tear.  Can I hold you?”  I picked him up and he proceeded to hug me, patting my back ever so gently repeatedly saying…”It’s okay mom, it’s going to be okay.”  I proceeded to cry harder and laugh at the same time while looking at David in amazement.  What an amazing boy we have here.  God really knows what we need and he gave us Leon. He is also quite concerned on doing everything, “togeever”.  Well, I can’t say he didn’t get anything from me.  He has my togetherness sense, and my brick feet.  Smile.  Solie seems to be thriving as well.  He has gained a whopping 4 lbs since we left Wally.  Hopefully the rest of us have not.  He is smiling and cooing and learing to sleep well at night. We are blessed to have our boys and are trying to adapt and look at life more like they do.  If we have learned one thing though, it is that there is almost no crankiness a good nap can’t fix.

Thankful for our

munchkins,

Bep

Smiling Sol.

Leon.

Sentiment…

In Chapter Move on May 9, 2011 at 8:24 pm

I think I am possibly one of the most sentimental humans out there.  Just about everything carries sentiment for me.  I was one of those people that saved all the hair from hair cuts for years in little plastic sandwich sacks.  (I think I still have some of those sacks in a childhood box.) So, you can imagine for me, moving is no easy task.  Moving means leaving things behind, and in this case, not just places or residence, but people.  For David, moving is adventure and thrill.  For him saying good bye is as simple as “see ya, it’s been great knowing you.” I sometimes wish it was that easy for me.  Instead, good byes are filled with thousands of tears and floods of memories.  It’s how I am though, I love deeply.  Whether it is finally throwing out the back pack my dad used to carry us in (which was over 30 years old and not functional) that no one purchased at our yard sale, or squeezing a dear friend not knowing when you may see them again, both are darn hard for me.  There were many “lasts” for our family over the past few months.  The first of the Last’s began when Luke left for “North Kern-O-Rina” (North Carolina in case you don’t understand Leon lingo) to drum for The Paper Tongues.  This was an unexpected change of plans for Luke and began the good bye process much too soon for me.  The “Lasts” included, eating cheap box pizza late at night with bub and Esamy, Leon playing drums “wif uncle bub” at church, visiting uncle at Starbucks, and not having Luke come in the back door saying “toot-toot”, as he was looking for Leon.  This was just a few of the things that would change forever.  I will never forget the last time I lead worship, the Sunday after Love Encounter.  There are no better people to play and sing with, absolutely none.  I sat through our last Sunday service choking back the tears as I looked around the sanctuary.  What wonderful faces, what beautiful people.  I don’t really recall what Pastor Bob spoke on, but won’t forget hearing him speak.  What an amazing pastor. Everything had  a “last” before we drove away. Even the apple blossom trees blossomed pink buds to bid their farewell to us.  I could go on and on, but I might have to write forever.  Oh how I will miss Wally World and all the things it holds.  What a wonderful chapter of our lives.

We’ll talk soon…

Bep

Drumming with Uncle Bub

So we have moved…

In Chapter Move on May 9, 2011 at 7:35 pm

Well, it’s been exactly 38 days since we left Walla Walla, and things have not gone as we thought they would at all.  I think I am just beginning to catch my breath and can’t believe it took me 38 days to do so.  Ha!  Life is never what you think it is going to be.  Most of the time it’s better, and on occasion, before you get to the better part, it’s worse.  This has been one of those times.  I guess when I step back and look at what we have been through in the last few months, I think we are doing pretty darn good.  I have heard there are 5 major transitions in life said to be the most stressful and we can check off just about all of them.  We are changing careers, moving to a new state, selling a house, and just had a baby!  I look back at the last few months and am dumbfounded that we survived.  Praise God we are beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel.  Some tunnels are very long.

I’ll try to write more soon!

All my love,

Bep

A Last Walla Sunset

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