A letter

Posts Tagged ‘New chapter’

When spring feels like winter.

In Entering Spring on May 19, 2017 at 11:54 pm

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Friend! Spring is finally here, and unfortunately, I’m not referring to the weather. It’s still quite cold. I guess May didn’t get the memo regarding spring. So, while I’m layered in a sweater and coat, breathing in the almost frigid air, we are stepping into the warmth of the sun after what seemed like an unending season of darkness and pain.

Thank God I didn’t know long it was going to last. I probably wouldn’t be sitting here writing you. I would have quit. I would have gone back to our old life. I would have gone for something simpler. I would have opted for something free of pain, struggle, heartache, and agony of soul. I would have picked paved. I would have picked safe. But, I would have died there— craving this adventure my heart was designed for. I’m glad I didn’t know. But mainly, I’m glad I didn’t quit. 

This past season striped us. It’s stripped me. I told Marge the other day that there have been many seasons where I could have sucked it up and put my best foot forward, so-to-speak. I’m not sure I even have a best foot anymore. I feel so bare. But, In a strange way, in my bare-ness, I feel so free. If only I could learn this kind of surrender more easily. I think it’s what His goal is with me—surrender—but I fight it so often. I strive to keep it all together. I strive to show my strength and put-together-ness, when He’s just waiting for me to let go. 

So, here I am, in May entering spring. Eh-hem, in spring, I should say. It’s all around me. You would think after such a long winter season I would run into spring with abandon. But I’ve found myself reaching for a winter coat most days, preparing for the elements. It’s like a knee-jerk reaction. Bracing myself for pain, when the path is clear. It’s like carrying an umbrella when the forecast says sunny.

I remember—you remember, the times I thought “easy” was just around the corner, but never came. The times friendships seemed to be blooming only to mirage away. So now, things are easier, but I don’t always live easy. I find myself looking around the corner in defense of whatever might be hiding. David shared last week that the initial bud doesn’t look like the fruit, and if you don’t have eyes to see it you can miss it. I think we feel like we have PTSD after this last season. I guess that’s the going-for-the-coat thing I was trying to describe. But, the truth is, spring IS here. And, I will not miss it!

We bought these little flower and leaf decals this week to remind us! We put one right on the light switch by the door, so we see it many times a day. Winter may have been long, but the trees are heavy with buds. It says it so perfectly in Isaiah, “See, I’m doing a new thing! Now it springs up, do you not perceive it?” That means there is the possibility of not seeing it. We might be PTSD-ing, even though it’s in front of us. So, friend, buy some flowers, open a window, put something on your mirror, do what ever you have to do to remember: it’s spring.

Love,

Bep

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Breathing space and a Top Ramen baby.

In Welcomed Fall on October 1, 2015 at 11:15 pm



I feel like the last week has been one giant sigh of relief. We are moved. I am done packing. We love our new place. Did I mention that I don’t have to pack any more? Relief. I’m not sure we knew it was possible to love a place so much, or to feel at home as quickly as we do. It feels this space was made just for us. As you know, I’ve always loved books with big blank margins. I love the thinking space it provides. Well, this place is similar, but it has breathing space found in 14′ foot ceilings and magnificent 8′ foot windows. But even more than natural breathing space is the space we feel in our souls as this season has changed.

Everything has shiftedeverything. How a season that seemed to linger for ages can change so quickly is a mystery. It only seems explainable by His writing of our life’s story. Never have we craved and needed change so much, and never have we watched our world shift so drastically in such a short period of time. Work has come flooding in, friends have appeared out of nowhere, joy and peace greet us in the morning, where only dread and worry seemed to dwell before. Our souls have room to breathe again and it feels so dang good. There is however one thing that has marked this change of season for us more than anything else and I can hardly believe it’s real: In early April there will be five of us. We’re having a baby!

Yes, you heard me correctly. I still can’t believe it’s real. We’re having a baby. There is nothing quite like finding out you have to move and finding out you’re having a baby in the same week. But nothing screams blessing over a new chapter of life more than finding out you’re having a squishy little cuddly baby. Leon was my burger baby, Sol my baked-potato-with-the-works-baby, and so far, this one is my Top Ramen baby. Maybe it means it’s a little lady…EEEK! Hopefully my Top Ramen cravings aren’t an indicator of the baby’s overall palate because we will have some serious work to do if so. For now, I crave it, it tastes so stinking good, and anything that tastes good is a win.

To say I am thankful is an overwhelming understatement. I am in awe of His timing and His crafting of our story. I’m thankful that He is the author. He writes a far better story that me. And, it’s really true that winters can’t last forever. Seasons always change, and ours has just changed in every sort of wonderful way.

Love you dearly,

Bep


  

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