A letter

The Gift-Giver. And then there’s me.

In New Winter, Uncategorized on December 4, 2015 at 7:29 pm

As you know, I am the world’s worst gift-giver. Or maybe I should say I’m the worst gift-giver when I have to get a gift for a specific someone, by a certain date and time. I actually love spontaneous giving, but that’s not the point. The very thought of Christmas and finding perfect gifts under such rigid constraints of deadlines and wish-lists is enough stress for me for the entire year. David and I have celebrated 13 Christmases together and I think I have only successfully surprised and delighted him one year with my valiant gift-giving efforts. Thankfully, he still loves me and buys me amazingly perfect gifts every year.

This year is no different, and mixed in with the general pressure of Christmas gifts is the pressure of trying to be that mom. We’ve talked about this before, the kind of mom I greatly admire that I am clearly not. I had a brilliant idea on November 30th that I wanted to do something for my kids for Adventlike so many moms I know. Thankfully I still had one day to figure it out. So I loaded up the kids to quickly hit up Marshall’s and Home Goods in search of the perfect Advent calendar. I thought it would be fun to have little things to open, or activities to do each day until Christmas. I quickly realized after purchasing several “little” items that there were in fact 25 days until Christmas and it would cost me a fortune to supply gifts each day until Christmas. I also remembered that I am not a baker and the thought of baking multiple times from now til Christmas with my not-so-tidy children was probably not a brilliant idea. Five hours later I had a pile of returns and a very frustrated soul.

I’ve realized I feel this same way about bringing gifts to Jesus. I often feel frustrated and inadequate. I start off with great intentions and end up a mess with nothing to give. I had to pause and remember the greatest part of this whole Christmas season–actually, this whole lifeis the person of Jesus. It’s the gift-giver Himself. It’s the Man who pours grace into my cup daily knowing I can’t fill it myself. It’s the Wonderful Counselor who is exactly that, a counselor because we so desperately need it. It’s the Everlasting Father who doesn’t have bad parenting days. It’s the Prince of Peace that our chaotic and frantic lives need so desperately. Andit’s free.  It’s freely given with love, over and over again. It’s a forgiveness waterfall. It’s unspeakable joy. It’s hope and mercy in the mornings. It’s the perfect gift, the one I so need and so don’t deserve.  It is the gift I can unashamedly open again and again. It’s the huge sigh of relief I can breathe because…Jesus.

So now, it’s a few days into advent, and we haven’t really done much. But what I have done and what we are going to continue to do is open the gift of our Saviordaily. I’m going to drink in the full dose of who He is, freely given to me.

Merry Christmas!



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