A letter

Looking for goodness…and heart burn (-ing)

In Teaneck Winter on April 8, 2015 at 8:24 pm

Well, this week has been full of adventures not limited to but including; allergic reactions, almost knocking out an adult tooth, and an injury at Costco, all of which involved Leon.  Now, I just overheard him saying to the neighbor boy upstairs, “don’t worry, if you die, we’ll still burn your heart”.  Then Sol piped in, “We’re talking mysteries”.  Thanks for clarifying Sol. Wish me luck on getting to the bottom of this one.  He definitely didn’t pick up the heart burning part form me.  I’m both shocked and laughing!  At least this week has provided laughs, family time, and an amazing Easter weekend with slightly springy weather.  I’ll take it!

I’ve come to realize something since writing you last week. My looking for the goodness of God proves difficult when the “goodness” I’m seeking has a very specific description. And, often it does.  For instance, the provision I actually want to see looks like a six figure salary with full benefits and paid vacation.   I’m not saying we shouldn’t believe for amazing jobs, and abundance.  Trust me, we are believing for just that. But, if my heart will only feel “provided” for if it’s that exact criteria, I may be looking for the wrong thing.  The last 7 months have been full of nothing but miraculous provision and jobs coming through at just the right time.  It’s been scary and amazing. Even so, I just crave the stability and security of knowing what tomorrow holds.  Since moving here, we’ve really only known what’s right in front of us.  I feel like a bit of a manna hoarder.  I’m the lady out there trying to grab enough for tomorrow too. Not for long.  I’m excited to see differently. I know it’s what I need.

So, here I am on my journey of trust–aren’t we all–learning to fully and whole heartedly sit back in the lap of Jesus, with all my weight, and find real rest.  It’s here my eyes are open to His provision, on His terms.  He’s all the stability we will ever need.

Love you, my friend.

Bep

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