A letter

Change and Donuts.

In Teaneck Winter on March 3, 2015 at 9:28 am

Hi friend!  Happy March.  How it is suddenly March is unfathomable to me, as well as the fact that Spanky is turning four this week.  Many tear brimmed thoughts on the latter subject. I cannot believe my baby is turning four!  The past few nights I have just been staring at his little baby button nose hoping he keeps it forever and thinking over the last four years.  I am in shock of his new found age, but the years didn’t go by in a blink.  When I think of all that has taken place in those four years its quite halting: His birth, a move, whopping cough, hospital stays, a cross country move, law school, the bar, a cross country trip, a cross country move again, starting a practice, and recording an album.  Though it’s a chapter or book in the volume of our lives, it’s all the life he has ever known. He seems to love it. He frequently tells me he has to whisper something in my ear only to get close and plant a tender kiss on my cheek.  You’ll be shocked how much he’s grown.  I’m working on squishing him back down to baby size.  I’ll let you know how it goes.

In all my ponderings of our life, I realized that exactly one year has passed since driving away from our Jake Sears apartment at the Village and stepping into this season we are now navigating.  I shouldn’t be surprised–I know you won’t be–but, I’m emotional. On one hand I’m in awe that we are here, we’ve made it.  We’ve conquered mountains and lived adventures.  And, in the midst of all of this craziness, we produced an album.  It’s real, it’s done, and real people are listening to it.  Amazing what can come out of basements!  I’m still in awe.  On the other hand I still feel the fragility of our season, or I should say hearts.  We have many mountains left to climb.  Often I don’t feel equipped for the climb and only feel aware of my inadequacy. Jesus doesn’t seem worried at all and though His load gets heavier and heavier the more we lean on Him, His strength is unwavering.  I’m sending messages to my soul daily to be still and know He is God.  Selah.

In all of this life we are living, not sure if it’s the season or the fact that I’m in my 30’s or what has happened, but I have fallen in love with donuts.  Call me crazy!  I don’t know how such a thing can happen, but it did. I CRAVE donuts now.  It all started with Duck Donuts in the Outer Banks.  You would think it worth the 2000+ mile drive knowing your love of all things sweet. Really, you would. They are deep fried to order and dipped in your choice of frostings and glazes right before your eyes. And since moving here, I have found two other donut shops that we frequent.  (as in weekly) I guess when you dress a donut in maple and bacon, or brown butter and pecan bits, it’s hard not to love it.  Change is good.  Absolutely good in relation to donuts.  When you come, you’ll see.

Love you and miss you.

Bep

P.S. I love mustard now too.
P.P.S. If you know anyone who wants hasn’t heard my album, send them here:
https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/meet-you-again/id962974605
or here:
https://bethanyengelhardt.bandcamp.com/releases

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