A letter

2 cups of French Press and a quite moment at 10 am…

In Home in Virginia on January 19, 2012 at 9:01 am

This is strange.  A quiet moment on a Thursday? As the girls would say, impossible.  It’s 10 in the morning and Leon is at the neighbors playing, Solie is sleeping, I am dressed, make-uped, and decided my first cup of French press was so good that I should make another.  The next thought was trying to figure out what to do with this strange scenario.  Should I pick up the Wego-Dukelos?  (Lego Duplos) No, I decided, because they will be dumped out shortly after this quite moment ceases.  I think today I will just sit and write and have a few moments to think to myself.  It’s been quite a few weeks.  For the first time in months, both kids are well.  After a long stretch of ear infections, nasty colds, and stomach flu’s we are finally well.  What a relief.  On top of it all, Solie has slept through the night for the last 4 nights.  I hardly know what to do with myself.  It’s been a long 10 months of waking up every few hours with him for some reason or another.  Honestly, I feel more tired than I did before.  My body is in sleep shock!!! I love it.  I feel I have breathed in a fresh breath of grace. I needed it.  I feel the sun is shining on us this past season.  God has been providing things in a humorous way.  Our money keeps stretching, companies we have ordered from have screwed up, and therefore given us more money, things not covered under warranties are being covered on exception, and it’s been amazing.  I keep smiling at God’s goodness.  I even found a brand new, with tags on, white Le Creuset  for $64 dollars on Craigslist.  Talk about a delighted heart.  God must be laughing at me sometimes.  I love the little things, and love that God cares about the things that make me smile.  I feel a deep sense of gratitude as of late, and am just letting the goodness sink in.

I have been deeply homesick too, such a strange mix of emotions.  We are walking the hard road of being the “new kids on the block”.  It’s a pit-in-the-stomach journey that I do not wish upon anyone.  My heart aches just to be known.  I have learned a lot in our church hunting season.  I think everyone should take a Sunday and go alone to a different church. It would be an eye opening experience.  This whole journey has only convinced my sensitive heart more of the conviction I already had before, that we really must love others as we would want to be loved.  We underestimate the power of saying hello to someone sitting alone, telling the usher to add a seat on to our number so a stranger might become a bit more like family, or simply introducing ourselves and a few friends to someone who doesn’t know a soul.  This week was a week when after all the reaching out trying to connect, I just felt like sitting down and crying. I don’t recall feeling such a way since I was a little girl at a birthday party when something went awry.  It sort of knocked the wind out of me emotionally for days.  If I felt this way, being the rather confident soul I am, then how must the dejected soul, far from the loving arms of Jesus feel? The outcome has been a gentle prodding to just sit back in the loving arms of Jesus.  He knows me, really well.  I don’t have to prove anything to him.  He already likes me, notices the favorite pair of shoes I put on today, and knows what he’s put inside of me.  I don’t think he’s even had a concerning thought as to dreams in my heart that feel like they are over. To him it was only moments ago that those were a reality and only moments ahead when they will unfold again.  That is the pillow I am trying to rest my head on.  It’s a wonderful pillow if only I would let my head really fall deep into it and just relax.  I’m getting there.  They are planning the 5th year of Love Encounter.  I can hardly believe it.  On one hand, it’s the most exciting thing ever.  To see something you birthed continue when you are gone, is quite possibly the best thing for the heart.  On the other hand, it’s heart wrenching not to be there.  I am flashing back to this time last year, all the preparations, the housing, the 1000 phone calls with all our peeps and a million questions to be answered, the late night worship practices and hilarious laughter (mostly at me ) from the team about my excitement for the song trio, the late night art projects that my crazy artistic man inspired, and the gigantic larger than life horses.  Still to this day all I have to say to bub is “majestic” and we die laughing.  I’m thinking back to my very large belly amidst it all as we waited for Solomon’s due date a few weeks after.  I think about the call of God to put us in Wally and just how amazing the Lord is.  It’s still so much a part of me, I hope it always will be.  I can’t believe a year has almost gone by already.  I won’t ever forget listening to my honey preach one of his last words there!  He was an amazing Pastor, and is an amazing man.  Kara told me this week that she wishes I could be there to see all that is taking place.  Yet, she said if I was there still, it probably wouldn’t be taking place at all.  So true.  That’s often how God works.  I couldn’t be more proud of everyone.  I guess this is what quiet times do, let me really process the contents of my heart.  Most of the time the contents are a mess, good or bad mess, a mess just the same.  I guess that is where I find myself today, a good and bad mess, both. I just got a text from Esammy…he got a ticket.  AHHHH.  So exciting.  A piece of home is on its way.  Mom and Rachie come this month, Esammy next month…I can hardly wait.

Thanks for listening.  Love you so.

Bep

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  1. A cup of French presh sounds amazing.:). I felt as if I was just outside of the room experiencing what you were describing.
    The journey to a new destination is tough and you hit the nail on the head in your description of others if they don’t know God’s love.
    Thank you for sharing, it gives me perspective.

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