A letter

I’m a two faced mother..

In Landing on October 13, 2011 at 8:06 pm

I am sure you feel the same way at times, but seriously, life is craziness.  Most days lately, I think to myself, “what have I done today?”.  The days are long, sort of tiring, and mothering definitely is not for those faint of heart.  At least my “mothering” (my methods of raising these munchkins of mine) isn’t for the faint of heart, thoughtI feel faint most days.  Let’s just say that small people have a way of putting big people through the ringer.  They also have the ability to make one question if ones self is in fact, two faced.  One minute you are telling them, you want to eat them for lunch, and could squish the living day lights out of them.  The next, you are wishing you could resign your current position (one of those job resignations that takes place with much shouting,emotion, and most often tears) and find a new job.  Today was one of those days.  Let’s just say the day was bi-polar.  I had a lovely morning, celebrating my dear friend Jamie’s 34th birthday at none other than our beloved, Cafe Moka.  I then conquered the mountain of grocery shopping, which, that alone makes me want to stand in an auditorium receiving rounds and rounds of applause…SIDE NOTE: We should have a mother’s festival, to just celebrate mothering successes.  You know, how many loads of laundry one has folded in a day, how many poops have been changed in an hour, how much money was saved grocery shopping etc.  Want to?  We can talk about that later…. I called, I think, 3 people to be exact to share how excited I was at my grocery savings.  It was a grand success, and the gracious older gentleman who helped us out said, “you be blessed now, ya hear” as he left us.  I’d say that finished up a rather perfect morning.  This afternoon was an entirely different story.  Between screaming children, hauling all my hefty bags of groceries in from our half way around the world-parking spot, and the two hour nap battle with Leon for the 2nd time this week, you would think I had gone mental.  How does my fiery little red head, who is only two, might I add, have such an ability to inside me out?  Phew.  I wish I knew.  I was rather frustrated to put it in kinder, milder terms.  On top of it all, no nap, no work out, and no clean house.  My two hours were filled with lifting a 34 lbs child back into the pack and play an innumerable amount of times.  It also involved many a swift taps on the butt, and intense lecturing. (the kind of course a 2 year old mind can grapple with)  It was exasperating.  Poor husband got home to a rather frazzled and weary wife.  He kindly let me go and have some alone time and ate pbj’s for dinner with the kids. I feel more sane now.  Mothering, who would have known?  And mothering during law school, I’m glad I didn’t know.

On a whole separate subject, but tightly intertwined, I have been thinking about a clean house. Who the heck gets to enjoy a clean house?  No one really.  It’s also quite exasperating.  If you review the day, and its happenings, you will find most of it is spent messing things up.  You awake from an unkempt bed, to change unkempt diapers, which intern leave piles of pi’s, undies, etc. around the once tidy floor.  You then proceed to the very tidy kitchen, to send it into disarray, and so forth and so forth.  By dinner time, if the kitchen wasn’t crazy enough, you proceed to completely frazzle it by dirtying every single pot you own and a half an hour later when you have consumed delicacies, leave that pig pen to make the bathroom a mess with bath time.  You then proceed to pick the entire house back up, placing it on its two feet again.  Finally it is clean, it looks and smells nice, and it is a beautiful sight to behold.  You are so exhausted by now, that you crawl into that perfectly made bed and bid farewell to the day.  My discovery is,  no one really  gets to enjoy it when it’s clean except of course itself.  It doesn’t seem fair to me. Maybe I should try to enjoy the disarray more.   If only that were a real possibility.

Hope your life is a little more sane than mine,

Missing you dearly, as always,


  1. I often think that mothering bring out the best and worst in me. One minute I am lavishing my child with love and affection and proclaiming that I LOVE to spend my days with her…the next I am about ready to pull my hair out/cry/scream…you know the feeling. It can be a wild ride. Glad you got a little break today. Bethy is also being really frustrating with naps. Some days–like today she sleeps for 2+ hours. Other days it seems 30 minutes of “quiet time” is all I can squeeze out of her. Argh.

    Also, great job on the grocery shopping! It does feel good to score a good deal.

    You are such an outstanding one.

  2. Bethany,
    As a young mother and then a mother of teens and all their friends, the concept of my full barn would calm my heart. When a barn is full there is ALWAYS a mess (usually stinky). The alternative is an empty barn, which is clean and orderly, and well … empty. Embrace the mess and your full barn. I love you dear girl. Cheri

    Proverbs 3:10
    then your barns will be filled to overflowing, and your vats will brim over with new wine.

    Psalm 144: 13
    Our barns will be filled with every kind of provision. Our sheep will increase by thousands, by tens of thousands in our fields;

    Deuteronomy 28:8
    The LORD will send a blessing on your barns and on everything you put your hand to. The LORD your God will bless you in the land he is giving you.

  3. Oh Bethany I love your heart, and reading this post took me back to eerily similar days with my tribe. I can encourage you in that, although challenges come with every season of mothering, the special ‘insanity’ of infant/toddlerhood does come to its end eventually 🙂 Poop-contact will come to an end, but naptime will even out & continue until school! Please keep writing – this mommy appreciates it too!

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